Being a parent is a huge responsibility, but it’s possible to be both a guiding authority and a supportive friend. The key lies in balancing discipline with connection. Here’s how a mother can achieve this, and how it differs from a traditional parenting approach.

The Parenting Approach

Traditional parenting often focuses on authority. This means setting rules, enforcing discipline, and guiding behavior. For example, a mother insists on a strict bedtime to make sure her child gets enough rest. She might also say, “You need to finish your homework before you can watch TV.”

While these actions are essential for a child’s development, they can sometimes create distance. The child might view the mother primarily as an enforcer of rules rather than someone who understands their feelings and needs.

The Friend Approach

Being a friend as a mother involves more than just enjoying fun activities together. It’s about creating an open, trusting relationship where the child feels valued and understood. Here’s how this can be done effectively:

1. Active Listening: Instead of just directing, engage in conversations where you actively listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings. For instance, if your child is worried about a school project, listen to their concerns before offering advice or solutions. This shows empathy and respect for their feelings.
2. Shared Interests: Find common interests and spend time enjoying them together. If both of you love baking, set aside time to cook together. This builds a bond and makes the child feel special and understood.
3. Open Communication: Encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. If your child comes to you with a problem, avoid immediately jumping to solutions or reprimands. Instead, offer support and let them express themselves fully.

Examples

Imagine a child comes home upset because they didn’t make the soccer team. A traditional approach might involve comforting them but also stressing the importance of hard work and perseverance. A friend-like approach would involve more than just comfort; it would include empathizing with their disappointment, discussing their feelings openly, and perhaps even exploring new interests together.

Or consider a situation where a mother and her child disagree about curfew times. Rather than just imposing a rule, a friend-like approach might involve having a calm discussion where the mother explains her concerns and listens to her child’s perspective. This collaborative approach can lead to mutual understanding and respect.

Conclusion

Being a mother who balances authority with friendship doesn’t mean abandoning rules or responsibilities. Instead, it’s about fostering a supportive relationship where the child feels heard and valued. This balance can lead to a stronger, more trusting relationship, making both parenting and friendship rewarding.